Few Real Estate Agents Write “Just Right” Marketing Prose

Have you noticed how agent-speak, as seen in real estate ads, tends to be either over the top or underwhelming?

More often the former, of course. Just looking at today’s local real estate section, it’s easy to pull out grand, sweeping, and did I mention grand, statements like:

“Spectacular views & magical sunsets!””Enjoy the spacious sun drenched living room with views!” and”Truly an entertainer’s delight and magical at night!”(Does it say somewhere in the real estate agents’ handbook that you must use lots of exclamation points and the word “magical?”)

Oh, and here’s my favorite: “This gracious, four-bedroom, two bath . . . Tudor emotes a bygone era.”

I’ll give the agent a small gold star for ditching the exclamation points, but what’s with “emotes?” Sounds like the house has taken up method acting. I’m guessing she meant to say “evokes.” Or maybe she just got tired of the same old words and decided to get, uh, creative.

Now, for the underwhelming bits of prose — the ad language that makes you go, “That’s supposed to appeal to me why, exactly?”

Again from today’s paper, we’ve got, “Shows very well.”

Okay, now that’s something an agent might say to another agent, but if I were a prospective buyer, I’d wonder what it says about the house after the staging is gone. It’s like saying that someone looks really good with makeup on.

Or this one: “Grass covered back yard!” Whoa. Better put that one on your must-see list.

And my fave from this list, which isn’t an ad for a house, but for a mortgage broker, which contains the following customer testimonial:

“Buying a house is stressful, but working with Sue was one of the most positive and least stress-inducing aspects of the process.” Hmm. So how stress inducing was working with her, exactly? They should’ve stopped at “most positive.”

Just for a last bit of fun, here’s an ad from an agent who tried to do something a little different: “SWEET STARTER SEEKS SINCERE BUYER. Me: Mature 2BR stucco near shops and San Francisco expres bus. You: Looking for affordable cottage in desirable area.”

At least he left out any mention of magical sunsets.

P.S. Choosing a selling agent? Read their ads first. Some of the larger brokerages have a marketing person handling all the writing, which can add a layer of professionalism and quality control. In any case, when it comes to your house, ask to read the copy before it goes to press.